Patience and Elated Wisdom
by Trunks1
Summary: Draco writes out a letter to Harry, which he spends all night on. The thing is, he wasn't supposed to sign it! (slash, slight humor)


Disclaimer: The song "Mine", which is used in this songfic, is by Savage Garden and is also copyrighted to them. They rule, do not defy them! Harry Potter and company are all copyrighted to J.K. Rowling, who, also, undoubtably rules.  
  
  
  
Title: Patience and Elated Wisdom  
  
By: Trunks  
  
Warnings: Slash  
  
Notes: Words in italics are parts of the letter that Draco is writing. Just keep that in mind :)  
  
  
  
**  
I wait in the darkness  
Frozen winds surround my face  
In the cover of darkness I can make believe   
It's you  
I feel you like the rain   
I feel you like a storm cloud  
Building in my heart  
I wonder if you know the pain  
To want the one thing you haven't got  
**  
  
  
It was sometime early, early in the morning. The first signs of dawn were starting to show, although it remained dark in the Slytherin common room, where I sat. I had been here all night, forcing back any and all urges I had to fall to sleep. It wasn't like I was up because I wanted to, it was because I had to.  
  
If I didn't do something about this, I was going to go terribly mad. Not to mention that I had no one to talk to, to help me out. Oh, yes, I do usually go to Snape whenever I have trouble, but I would rather not let him know about things like this.  
  
So, I sit here, in the Slytherin common room, at a quarter 'til dawn, trying to sum up what I'm feeling. It's not a very easy task, mind you, I've never done anything like this before. I've never.. never felt like this before. I never had a reason.  
  
I twirl the quill absentmindedly in my hand, looking sleepily as the colors intermix. Although I've been here all night, I haven't made any progress. Well, actually..  
  
Looking back down at the piece of parchment in front of me, I inwardly ask myself why I even decided to do this in the first place. I've been having these problems for years, so why do I choose NOW to show them?   
  
Maybe I just have terrible timing.  
  
I dip the tip of my quill into the dark green ink, keeping my focus on the parchment.  
  
  
_Harry,_  
  
  
All night spent awake and all I had managed to write was his name. Maybe I just have no nerve at all. After all, I'm not even sure if I am going to send it or not, although that was my first intention.   
  
What should I say to him? No, what shouldn't I say to him?   
  
I could just come right out and say it, tell him what I need to say.. Or, I could simply tell him useless things, dance around the subject but never cross it.   
  
Or, maybe, I could just forget all of this and go to sleep. That seems like a good idea. There is no reason for him to know about my problem, it is best left alone anyway.  
  
It will be much easier if I just go ahead and get this done with.  
  
_Harry,  
  
I_  
  
Now what? I don't hate you? I don't want to scream insults at you every day, or make your potions explode, or be anything that I am. What do I say? I want to be with you, without having to fight? I'm sorry for everything?   
  
Am I? Am I sorry about the things I've said, the things I've done? Or, am I simply sorry that things didn't work out how I wanted them to.   
  
  
  
  
** Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine  
Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine  
Just a kiss divine  
**  
  
  
  
It happened in our second year, Harry. That's when I really started noticing you weren't such a stupid git. Your agility on the Quidditch field, your courage, your skill... It was as if I was seeing you for the first time, noticing every little detail.  
  
Of course, it never mattered, not at all. It wasn't as if my sudden change in heart had affected how I acted any, I was still a selfish brat. It was expected of me, so that's how I behaved.  
  
When I realized that my change of heart towards you was actually something else, I started to panic. Me, a Malfoy, panicking because of Harry Potter. It was absurd.. At least, that's what I first thought. I figured it would eventually go away and then I wouldn't feel guilty everytime I insulted you.  
  
I wouldn't want to apologize everytime that hurt look crossed your face.  
  
Ah, but they didn't go away, Harry, they didn't. If anything, it all became so much worse. I felt as if I was going to fall apart every time I saw you, every time I sneered at you, every time you glared..  
  
But, I'm still here, aren't I? It makes you wonder, doesn't it? How I could keep this to myself for all that time. I didn't really have a choice. I wanted nothing more than to call a truce between us, Harry, but, you must understand, I can't.  
  
I'm a Malfoy, this is how I'm supposed to act.  
  
Or that's what I thought. I thought my decision on the matter was useless, but then I realized something.  
  
I'm a Malfoy, but I am not my father.   
  
I don't have to hate you. It was the first comforting thought I had had in a very long time. But, it didn't last.  
  
You see, Harry, even if I... feel this way, it doesn't change a thing. I can change my mind, Harry, but I can't change you. You may not HATE me, but I'm still not on your 'people I like' list.   
  
I don't even know what made me start to write you this letter. It isn't as if it's going to change your perspective on anything.   
  
Of course, it may not even be sent. After all, there isn't much to it at the moment.  
  
_Harry,   
  
I_  
  
Is not the greatest letter in the world. Crabbe and Goyle will wake up in a minute, stomping down the stairs and asking me what I'm doing. Then Pansy will come down and start prying into things that aren't her business.  
  
Sighing, I take another look at the letter, before scribbling down a short message and, after stuffing the letter into my robes, made my way to the Great Hall.  
  
  
  
  
** A hand brushes by my love  
A smile fuels a steel inferno  
You don't have to die to leave my world  
Stand still and you've departed  
It seems I'm not on your mind and   
I'm just wasting my time  
**  
  
  
  
  
"Draco? Hello, Draco?"   
  
I blinked, turning my attention away from the Gryffindor table. My eyes fell upon Pansy's ugly pug face, as she waved her hand around, trying to get my attention.  
  
"Draco?" She tried again, then stopped when she spotted me looking at her, "What WERE you looking at?"  
  
Glaring at her, I started to eat my breakfast. She took the hint and focused on her own meal, even though she kept trying to figure out where I kept glancing.  
  
My eyes kept going over to the Gryffindor table, to where a certain Harry Potter sat, talking and laughing merrily with his friends. I had to force myself from smiling, even though seeing him with a wide smile was enough to make my cold facade melt away.  
  
But, as soon as the owls flew into the Great Hall, I could feel that uneasy feeling settling into the pit of my stomach. I couldn't believe I sent it.. I should have thrown it away, or burned it, or.. or just not written it at all.  
  
Maybe the owl dropped the letter.. Maybe Harry wouldn't receive it.  
  
Of course, I know that he will. I can already see the school owl I picked, flying over to the Gryffindor table and dropping the letter by his plate.   
  
I was hoping he would forget about it, that he would walk away from the table and leave it there so I could go and snatch it back.   
  
But, he didn't. He picked it up, unsealed it, and let his eyes graze across the parchment.  
  
I felt very ill.  
  
"Draco, you look a little pale," said a Slytherin girl, who sat next to Pansy.   
  
He's looking around the Great Hall now, his eyes slightly wider, looking for anyone who might be looking over at him. Finding no one in particular, he looks back down at the parchment, as if trying to decipher who it might be from.  
  
I wonder if he'll figure it out..  
  
He'll cross out Ron and Hermione right away, since those two are together. Next, he'll probably wonder if it's some kind of joke.   
  
A joke. Yeah, that's what it is. All of this is just a joke.   
  
I would laugh if I didn't feel so terrible.  
  
  
  
**  
I'm just a fool to believe  
In the death of the night   
Can you feel me inside?  
I wish that you could conceive...   
**  
  
  
  
  
I had double potions that day with the Gryffindors. I was dreading every single, solitary minute of it. Sure, Harry didn't know it was me, but.. What if he really did think it was a joke? Who would he think would send him such a joke? Well, most likely, he would think I did it.  
  
And, of course, if he asked me, I would deny it. But, here I was, sitting next to him in potions (Snape had this wondrous idea of pairing up Gryffindors with Slytherins today), and I couldn't help but notice that he kept looking over at me.  
  
It was very unnerving. I wanted to just jump right up and yell, "Yes, Harry, I sent it!", but I managed to stay seated and remain calm.  
  
"Do we add the alligator heart now or wait a few minutes?" Harry asked suddenly, gesturing to the slimy thing in front of me.   
  
How should I know? I wasn't even listening to Snape.  
  
I shrugged, continuing to stir our cauldron. Giving a small 'huff' of annoyance, he turned around, to where Hermione sat, and inquired about the alligator heart.   
I was feeling rather happy that he hadn't asked me about the letter. There was no telling what I might do if he did ask if I wrote it.  
  
At first, I thought I might deny it, but, as jumpy as I am right now, I really doubt that I'll remember to do that.  
  
Turning back around in his seat, he drops the alligator heart into the cauldron, then grimaces as it turns a sickening green. Funny.. Everyone else's looked orange.  
  
"It's not supposed to be orange, Potter," I remark, wrinkling my nose in distaste, as I continue to stir the cauldron.  
  
"I know that, Malfoy," He seethes, "If you had been paying attention to the lesson-"  
  
As if the potion suddenly realized it wasn't quite right, it bubbled a bit and turned a bright red. Not quite orange, but we're getting there...  
  
"Maybe we just have to wait," He mumbles, beginning to chop up the roots in front of him.   
  
Stir, stir, stir.   
  
He throws in the newly chopped roots, waiting in anticipation for the potion to change colors again.  
  
Unfortunately, it never did. It did, however, explode and cover us both in reddish-greenish liquid, that definitely was not the potion we were making.  
  
I barely heard Snape yell "Detention!" at us, before I was being pulled out of the classroom, probably on my way to see Madame Pomprey.  
  
At first, I wondered what kind of potion it was, before realizing, with a look of horror, that my skin was now that wonderful reddish-green color.   
  
Apparently, the alligator heart was supposed to be put into the cauldron in two parts, not all at once. I had to remind myself to thank Granger for giving me such a wonderful skin color.  
  
  
  
  
** Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine  
Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine  
Just a kiss divine ...and you could be mine  
**  
  
  
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
Scrub, scrub, scrub.  
  
"Malfoy?"  
  
I really hate washing floors. Especially without magic.   
  
"Malfoy?!"  
  
Almost lazily, I tilt my head up. "What do you want, Potter?"  
  
True to his word, Snape had given us detention. So, seeing as how Filch was in charge of setting our detention, we were to scrub the hallway floors without magic. Not a hard task, except that it was already late into the night and, besides being hungry, I was getting extremely tired.  
  
Not to mention that Harry had been trying to talk to me all night, which I had been skillfully ignoring. But, now, I was really too tired to do anything.  
  
Sitting his brush down for a moment, he gave me a serious look, "Did you send me a letter yesterday?"  
  
"What would I have to write in a letter, Potter, that I can't say to your face?" I questioned, dipping my brush in the water pail, before continuing to scrub the floor.   
  
I never thought I would be doing work like this. Without magic!  
  
He shrugged, suddenly looking as if he regretted bring the subject up, "I know your capable of saying things other than insults, Malfoy."  
  
"That shows how little you know, Potter," I snapped.  
  
He began to scrub the floor again, not bothering to send a comment back to me.   
  
How odd.  
  
"What makes you think I would send you a letter, anyway, Potter?" I asked, still scrubbing the dirty floor.  
After all this cleaning I was doing for this floor, I had a good mind to put some kind of anti-dirt spell on it.   
  
Shrugging again, he reached inside his robes and produced a small, folded piece of parchment, which he held up in front of my face. "You signed it"  
  
  
**  
  
Won't you leave me in the darkness  
Take away the pride, all the dignity   
That's burning inside  
Can't you see I'm standing naked  
I'll bear all the crosses and the crucifixes   
You can provide  
If you could decide   
**  
  
  
  
  
I could feel the color draining my face.   
  
WHAT KIND OF AN IDIOT WAS I?! How could I have signed my name?! Maybe he's lying, maybe I didn't really sign it. Potter is just making all of this up.  
  
I took another glance at the paper.  
  
_Harry,   
I love you.  
Draco_  
  
  
  
Well.. Apparently I did sign it. It's not a very good letter, anyway. I should have put a poem on there or something really romantic. But nooo, I just put 'I love you' and send it away.  
  
WITH MY NAME ON IT!  
  
How could I have put my name on it? It wasn't supposed to be signed. He wasn't supposed to realize it was from me unless I told him!  
  
Well, actually, I had told him in the letter it was from me.   
  
Leave it to me to completely and utterly destroy my own life. Draco Malfoy, you are a stupid git.  
  
"And it looks like your handwriting," Harry continued, his voice calm and unconcerned.  
  
I forced myself to relax. I had to think of something to say, to make him think it was all just some..   
  
"It was a joke, Potter, don't flatter yourself," I spat, scrubbing the floors furiously. If only I could get this done, I could sneak back into the Slytherin room and get away from here.  
  
"A joke? You spent all of last night, staying awake to write up a joke?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me.   
  
How did he...   
  
Looking up at him, in almost complete shock, I almost have an urge to run.   
  
"I overheard Crabbe and Goyle talking last night, something about you staying up all night, writing something," Harry stated, shrugging.  
  
"I-I was doing my homework," I managed to get out. There was something terribly wrong here. I was supposed to be the one that was calm and unconcerned. HE was supposed to be nervous and shocked, NOT ME!  
  
Harry shrugged again, before a smile began to cross his face, "And then, you went to all the trouble to make sure I got it, without knowing it was from you. Sending a school owl with it, concealing your handwriting.. Of course, for some reason, you wrote your name down on there. I have to admit, Draco, I find it hard to imagine that even you would go to all the trouble just for a joke. Even the Weasley twins don't bother that much!"  
  
Then, turning his head towards me, he grins, "Something wrong, Draco?"  
  
Swallowing, I begin to scrub the floors again. Then, by some blessing, I managed to find my voice. "I hate you."  
  
"Aw, but the letter says-"  
  
"Yes, and I'm sure your going to flaunt it all over the school, right? Go ahead and blackmail Malfoy because he forgot to NOT SIGN HIS NAME."  
  
"I won't show it to anyone."  
  
"Yeah, right, Potter. I bet Weasley and Granger already know, right?"  
  
"No, I haven't told anyone, but, I want to know if it's true."  
  
I looked up, glaring slightly, before sighing and giving a defeated nod. If my life was over, I might as well go ahead and admit it. "Yeah, Harry, it's true."  
  
"Well, then, that makes things easier."   
  
And, with that, he put his arms around my neck and kissed me, knocking us both onto the newly cleaned floor.  
  
Maybe it was just my overactive imagination, although it certainly SEEMED real.   
  
By the time he pulled away, we were both gasping for air.  
  
"Damn, Harry."  
  
He grins, almost devilishly.  
  
Sighing, I drop my brush into the bucket and stand up. "I guess signing my name on there really did turn out to be a good thing.   
  
Grabbing his own brush, he also stands up, leaning in to give me another quick kiss, before grinning again. "Actually, Draco, you didn't sign your name on there, I did."  
  
  
** Just a twist in time ...and you could be mine  
Just a sip of wine ...and you could be mine  
Just a kiss divine ...and you could be mine  
**  
  
  
________________________________________  
  
Author's Note: I really have been wanting to write a story with Harry actually being clever. I think too many people portray Harry as an idiot. ^_^ Anyway, thankies for reading, I appreciate it :)   



End file.
